Front Desk Clerk Tired Of Rude, Up-Front Men

Dear Zazz: Please settle a dispute between me and a co-worker.

I work at a hotel on the 3 to 11 p.m. shift. Because I ambig-breasted, guests sometimes stare at my chest. Many are notdiscreet. They are very obvious. I think I should pretend they'renot looking, say nothing to them and then send them to their rooms.My co-worker says I should tell these guests that they're beingignorant and rude. What do you say?

FRONT-CONSCIOUS

AT THE FRONT DESK

Dear Front: Yes, a hotel guest who blatantly gawks is rude. Butif you make a stink about it, he'll surely deny that his eyes wereroaming. He might even complain about you to your superiors.

You could let a guest know that you know where his eyes are bysaying something like, "Yoo-hoo, I'm up here!"

But I think you have a better idea: Say nothing and send him tohis room. (Many of these bug-eyed guys will be happy to go, sincemost hotels these days have dozens of big-breasted women in everyguest room - via the adult movies on pay TV.) Your letter can serveas a reminder to men to guard against absent-mindedly losing controlof their gazes.

Dear Zazz: I'm a single, 62-year-old man. Since my divorce 14years ago, I've always used a condom. At what age can a man safelyassume that he doesn't have to use a condom for birth control?

62

Dear 62: Most men can make millions of sperm for all theirlives. To put condoms away forever, you'll have to either have avasectomy or have sex only with a woman who can no longer bearchildren.

Dear Zazz: Three years ago, I had to literally drag Joanne, myfriend and fellow nurse, to your annual Zazz Bash. Little did sheknow that at the party, she'd meet Phil - her future husband. I waspleased to play matchmaker, and I'm writing to tell others that yourbash really is a great, easy way for singles to meet.

TERI CROCILLA, Chicago

Dear Teri: Phil and Joanne Roney are the 14th couple to meet ata Zazz Bash and later marry. After I received your letter, I calledJoanne and she told me all about meeting Phil at the bash. Eventhat night, she says, he was insisting they'd one day marry.

They happened to meet a partygoer who was a disc jockey. "Philtook his card," Joanne recalls. "He said, `Joanne and I might beusing you someday when we get married.' I couldn't believe he saidthat. I was taking a drink, and I actually choked on it."

This is a legendary story at the hospital where Joanne works.Indeed, her co-workers have all become Zazz Bash partygoers on thechance that lightning will strike twice.

This year's bash is set for Aug. 26 at Navy Pier. Tickets are$17. Mail checks, payable to the Sun-Times Charity Trust, to ZazzBash, Box 3455, Chicago 60654. Include a self-addressed stampedenvelope. Questions? Call (312) 321-3010.

Dear Zazz: I see that your theme for this year's Zazz Bash is"Seinfest." I've never seen the "Seinfeld" TV show. Will I feel outof place at the party?

WHO'S KRAMER?

Dear W.K.: You won't feel out of place, because Seinfest will bejust part of the festivities. There are dozens of other activitiesand surprises planned.

Of course, if you don't pass the 500-question "Seinfeld" triviatest, you'll be publicly humiliated in front of everyone and asked toleave the party. (Just kidding! There will be no test.)

By the way, many married readers have called to say they're huge"Seinfeld" fans and would love to attend the bash. We're welcomingmarried folks to the party as long as they behave. Keep thosewedding rings on!